On Being Appreciative

So Chris and I took on a project almost two and a half years ago. We decided to consciously raise the kids to be appreciative. Sounds like something that would come naturally doesn't it? Afraid not.

It started with the kids receiving too many gifts for Christmas and birthdays. Multiple presents from aunts and uncles, grandparents, and friends. This added to what we bought them turned special occasions into a gluttonous farce. They had no idea where anything came from or who had given it to them. And they simply did not care. They felt entitled to be showered with gifts on every occasion.

It all came to a head the day I came home from the store with a little something for each of them. No particular reason for the gifts. I just thought they might enjoy them. Caden's toy was $14.99. He took the toy out to the backyard, where we were entertaining some friends, and deliberately broke the head off rendering it useless, right in front of my eyes.

I was speechless. I was disgusted. And even though he was three and a half years old (and should have known better), I knew Caden was not to blame. I was. We were. As parents we had failed him. One family meeting, (oh yes, we have family meetings regularly) and a lot of tears later we had a plan. No more toys, gifts, or goodies unless it was their birthday or Christmas. The challenge was the kids could whine, bawl, blat, pitch a fit like there was no tomorrow in the middle of Wal-Mart and they wouldn't get a thing. Well. What a hot mess we created. There were tears. There were pleas. There were ultimatums thrown around like Nerf balls. But we didn't give in. They were allowed as many books as they wanted, but nothing else.

Then came Christmas. Do you hear the Imperial Death March playing? Sink or swim time. We had to convince all the people who loved our kids more than anything in the world that if they really loved them they had to stop buying gifts for them. Those aunts and uncles, grandparents and friends could bawl, blat, and pitch a fit like there... Well, you get the idea. One gift for each kid. Or a couple of small ones. That's it. That's all. And time passed. And we all got used to the new way of doing business.

And there we were, Christmas 2010. Two and a half years after that first family meeting. There was still a mountain of gifts under the tree. Just more like the North Mountain than Everest. The kids started with stockings and without prompting, watched each other open gifts. And best of all, if one opened a gift they thought their brother or sister would like too, they offered to share. On Christmas morning! The first time they laid eyes on a new toy and they offered to share! We heard the angels sing. And Chris and I looked at each other across the mess that used to be our living room, and acknowledged a job well done. Our children appreciate not only material things, but each other. And that is why our kids will never have an over abundance of toys. We love them too much for that.